Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Just a regular meeting by the shore of the lake at our favorite friend Tim's place.
I had my red coat on.
Her and me had always been close in size
She wore her blue one with the big buttons and the waist-tie.

Our coordination attracted the attention of an older gentleman who faced the wrong way and showed off his quarters and pennies mixed up with a paperclip in his hands.
Can you believe it?
Come here in the summer and you'll see so many bikers

Down to business
We need to make this happen this time
I need to be ready
I've failed so many times before...

I reminded myself I had reasons.
Little things, little things, little things
Hardly any could come to mind once I faced your sad one

Cliche but now or never

Your promises came close, they had me imagining a better world
But it was a world I couldn't believe in
A world I didn't want to be in
Because it didn't have me in it as much as you'd like to believe otherwise

You see the lies as hurdles to jump over,
which proves to the world that we can get over those things
No wonder your future was littered with fantasies
of two matching rings
Living your dream by giving it up with me

Too bad I can't tell you that I dream up the same
It would be easier on both of us but if I pretend one more time
I'll lose myself

All of the shit that we've thrown at each other doesn't pile up as something to jump over
or something that proves how strong our love for each other is
It's just shit

Building up over the years it never goes away
all the hurt instead has taken shelter in a place
just below my ribcage
in an oval shaped hole
high above my naval

Here, it builds on itself but I guess you never knew
Since for some reason everything was always rosy with you
No argument resolved, simply forgotten about
Nothing changing between us
I say I trust but I doubt
your fidelity.

It only killed me in a muted way
behind the veil of forgetting
but never ever forgiving
You don't see a problem in my not feeling strong emotions

About anything

You can't imagine that I'm capable of being a different person.
That perhaps I can be a better person on my own
Already, though it's rusty, I want to be more creative
and I think I can

Maybe I made you better and you want to share it
But it eats me inside to think of how I helped you change
By ignoring the pains we caused each other
Until you finally decided to stop fooling me
You say for good

I wish I could believe it
But it's also been so long that believing it makes me think the next girl is gunna be lucky
Because she can feel his admiration
Without the shocking events that makes it hard to even know him
That make you think you don't even know him at all

So why spend another five years?

He'll let go eventually
I'll have to know I broke his heart
And live with the fact that he probably has really changed

But I'll also know, that it's better for me to be alone
I have dreams of my own that I'd rather achieve
By living the life I want to lead

Sure I don't quite know yet what it's going to be
But I'll never know unless I try

Even more I know I'd die
before living with the burden of having him give up his dream
to make it easier to be with me

I want us both to be happy
I want us both to suceed
But I'd rather attempt it on my own now
Than when I'm old and don't have a chance to change things

This needed to happen
And that spot that used to be filled with hurt
is gone now
High above my navel and between by ribs
There's a little spot that's shining now
and that feels like light too
if light had a feel
So I know this must be right
I wish you thought the same

No comments:

Post a Comment