weekends

i have too much fun on weekends
and i'm not sure why
why i specifically enjoy this fun
because we really don't like anything the same
i learn about more things we don't agree on every day

i like skate shoes
he likes hightops

i would kill for a bloomin' onion
and he calls onions 'the devil's candy'

i could go on.. but they're kind of lame
bottom line my favorite things are often his least favorite
on a surprising amount of things
it's kind of weird how opposite we are
it's like that proverb

i don't want to believe it just because of that reason
but it's getting hard not to

maybe we attract because except from our preferences about the frivolous purchases of daily culture (music and clothes)
we agree
on you know, the important things
like political leanings
and books
and tactics for how to save the world
and that we think these things are important

how cool is that?

no, there's more that pulls us
everyone around feels the magnetic tension in the air
seeing us together makes people look
it freaks some people out
even though some of them always saw it coming
because we both just don't give a shit and people like us for it
because we want to be different
and we're so different from each other

but it's fun
and it's exactly what we each need right now
i am excited for weekends again
because for some reason we mesh so deliciously
which makes me tempted to say
that i'm actually happy right now
surprise

car troubles

I was rescued by two priests today
my landlord doesnt shovel our driveway
and this mound of ice, gravel, and snow has been forming
for the majority of the winter
since it's snowed so damn much
like everyother day
maybe more

my car doesn't like the mound
or maybe it's the other way, and it's the mound who isn't liking me
and or car
but bottom line is
i got stuck

burning rubber stuck

so the two priests walking by offered to help
the one in the fine coat and his priest collar sticking out was doing most of the work
i felt weird
they having three strong men to push (2 priests and 1 roommate)
i got to sit in the car and revvv the reverse
gently now
not too fast now
sorry father!

nothing

grab a rug! grab some salt!
hand me that shovel!

nothing

a neighbour joins
he doesn't look too optimistic
we'll have to lift it
he says

so they lift
and i revvv
and they push
and i'm turning my wheel
and i'm on the street!

before i can park and thank them
the one priest has already started walking
and the one i wasn't sure was a priest says...

"look at that, two priests helping two skull and crossbones"

i guess he was referring to my touque
or maybe he thought i'd make a good pirate

i hope i didn't swear in front of them...

ARRR
:)

nothing

i don't want to do anything
i can't say the things i want to say
without second guessing them
so sometimes i just say nothing
which sends the wrong message

mostly i have no motivation
other than for company
unnecessary company
lopsided too
sometimes with me in the air
othertimes its you

depends on what i want

cuz if i want it i'm probably doing it wrong
and if i don't i'm even more inviting

or maybe i'm just dealing with different types of people here
a new one

one that, with me, will blow everyone's minds
and i think we both kind of like that
but i'm kind of scared
and kind of frantic
and i know it must be pushing you away

but i also know that someday...

i can see us

Just a regular meeting by the shore of the lake at our favorite friend Tim's place.
I had my red coat on.
Her and me had always been close in size
She wore her blue one with the big buttons and the waist-tie.

Our coordination attracted the attention of an older gentleman who faced the wrong way and showed off his quarters and pennies mixed up with a paperclip in his hands.
Can you believe it?
Come here in the summer and you'll see so many bikers

Down to business
We need to make this happen this time
I need to be ready
I've failed so many times before...

I reminded myself I had reasons.
Little things, little things, little things
Hardly any could come to mind once I faced your sad one

Cliche but now or never

Your promises came close, they had me imagining a better world
But it was a world I couldn't believe in
A world I didn't want to be in
Because it didn't have me in it as much as you'd like to believe otherwise

You see the lies as hurdles to jump over,
which proves to the world that we can get over those things
No wonder your future was littered with fantasies
of two matching rings
Living your dream by giving it up with me

Too bad I can't tell you that I dream up the same
It would be easier on both of us but if I pretend one more time
I'll lose myself

All of the shit that we've thrown at each other doesn't pile up as something to jump over
or something that proves how strong our love for each other is
It's just shit

Building up over the years it never goes away
all the hurt instead has taken shelter in a place
just below my ribcage
in an oval shaped hole
high above my naval

Here, it builds on itself but I guess you never knew
Since for some reason everything was always rosy with you
No argument resolved, simply forgotten about
Nothing changing between us
I say I trust but I doubt
your fidelity.
seriously.

It only killed me in a muted way
behind the veil of forgetting
but never ever forgiving
You don't see a problem in my not feeling strong emotions

About anything

You can't imagine that I'm capable of being a different person.
That perhaps I can be a better person on my own
Already, though it's rusty, I want to be more creative
and I think I can

Maybe I made you better and you want to share it
But it eats me inside to think of how I helped you change
By ignoring the pains we caused each other
Until you finally decided to stop fooling me
You say for good

I wish I could believe it
But it's also been so long that believing it makes me think the next girl is gunna be lucky
Because she can feel his admiration
Without the shocking events that makes it hard to even know him
That make you think you don't even know him at all

So why spend another five years?

He'll let go eventually
I'll have to know I broke his heart
And live with the fact that he probably has really changed

But I'll also know, that it's better for me to be alone
I have dreams of my own that I'd rather achieve
By living the life I want to lead

Sure I don't quite know yet what it's going to be
But I'll never know unless I try

Even more I know I'd die
before living with the burden of having him give up his dream
to make it easier to be with me

I want us both to be happy
I want us both to suceed
But I'd rather attempt it on my own now
Than when I'm old and don't have a chance to change things

This needed to happen
And that spot that used to be filled with hurt
is gone now
High above my navel and between by ribs
There's a little spot that's shining now
and that feels like light too
if light had a feel
So I know this must be right
I wish you thought the same