Saturday, December 13, 2008

the first spew

I'm sure this is the first thing everyone writes when they're starting a blog but I don't know what I'm doing with all this. Somehow, other than Facebook, I'm totally lagging on internet knowhow. I signed up for Twitter to see what it's all about but I still don't understand it. Maybe it's because I just don't know what to say.
I think mostly it's because who really gives a fuck about what I say. I don't really care about what everyone else is writing, but I read it anyways. I guess that's the point. Mindless babble to let everyone know you're there.

I think that I think I see through it.

My problem is that everything I write has to be perfect. I want it to be clever, I want it to be well-informed, I want it to be funny, whatever, and it has to be. I am constantly making sure that what I want to say is clear that it's in the best way of expressing it possible.
Needless to say it all takes a long time.
and perfect isn't possible.
That's why I started this blog.
I want a space that isn't necessarily connected with me outside so I can just spew. Not go back and think, how does that sound. Just write.
I think what the problem with trying to write perfectly is that in the world of the internet babble, no one really cares. I put all this effort into making sure it's a work of beauty and no one cares.

So here i won't care if no one cares. That's not the point. The point is that I have things that are filling up my head and getting them out are a struggle. The point is that all of a sudden my eyes have been opened up to the larger world and I want to know more. I need to know more. And most importantly I want to talk about it.

I need to talk because I need to know what I think about it all.

I'm the kind of person who can see both sides and I often do. I spend so much time writing essays where you have to take a stance so I do, but I never know if this is what I actually believe. I don't think I'm looking for hardcore beliefs that are going to lead me through life, but I'd at least like to know what I believe in right now.
But maybe that's still too much to ask.

That felt good... though it doesn't have to be read, there is something oddly fulfilling with spewing to the beast. Posting that shit and it's out. Stamped onto the world of cyber-space.

and no one cares

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